My Big Fat Life: Taking time to feel thankful in the midst of everyday busy-ness

Published in the Fredericton Daily Gleaner, Monday, September 26, 2011

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I had one of those weeks last week.

You know the kind – a week where you don’t know if you’re coming or going, 18 things on your schedule and you know you can only successfully get to 11 of them.

The week where you wear two different socks to work and hope no one notices; where you forget the weather forecast predicted rain for the afternoon and you send your kids to school in T-shirts because it was warm and sunny that morning.

It was that kind of week. The kind of week where you forget to pick up milk so everyone has toast one morning, which depletes the bread for lunches, and you have to dole out money. That week when you had the doctor appointment, and almost forgot, but arrive a few minutes late, relieved, until you discover that you forgot to bring the updated Medicare card, again – something you were reminded about at the last two visits.

My week flew by. With kids having band and hockey and piano and cadets, there was homework, meet the teacher, interviews for a new project I’m working on and physio for my boy.

That doesn’t include the three nights of staying late at work correcting assignments and creating lesson plans, or the quick trip to the hospital to help a friend who has no family in the area. Top that off with helping my own kids with homework and a social studies project, and trying to cook healthy meals for my family … I was ready to collapse.

I cursed myself this week. I made things even busier for myself when I promised to walk as part of the ‘Ball is in Your Court’ provincial wellness campaign. I committed to walking every weekday, on my lunch hour, until December, and last week wondered if I could really do this.

Mid-week I was ready to pull my hair out. Wednesday I arrived late for my walk, walked with my friend Tobi for the first 10 minutes and then finished the last two laps of the racetrack alone.

Wednesday was a nice day – sunny and warm. Wednesday was a day where the breeze came up just as I made the second turn on the track and cooled me as I began to break out in a sweat. Wednesday the clouds were beautiful and fluffy – high and moving fast, changing shape quickly – reminding me of my youth and the many hours spent laying on my front lawn watching the sky do its artistic dance.

Across the fence, as I made my way around the track’s third turn, I heard the beautiful sounds of Centennial Elementary School children. I heard the beautiful sounds of young kids playing and laughing, and I smiled because I knew my daughters voice was somewhere in that mix, envisioning her laughing, running, swinging on the swings … being her perfect, excitable self.

I instantly felt shame remembering how I grumbled to myself in the van as I drove from work to the track that day. That quiet time – just me, my sneakers and the fresh air – reminded me I have to remain thankful and need to slow down sometimes so I can see the beauty and the calm in this crazy, busy life of mine.

And while I could have easily said no to a lot of things this week, I didn’t.

I wonder if my inability to stay still gives me such peace in stillness?

I have no reason to complain, and so many more reasons to be thankful.

I am thankful for the smile that crept across my friend’s face as I sat with her at the hospital and joked that we just solved all the problems of the world after we talked about the health issues of her loved one and cried.

I am thankful for the reassuring smile I get each day from my friend Tobi, who is always positive, always uplifting and always willing to walk with me on her lunch hour.

I am thankful for my daughter sneaking up behind me in the morning after being unable to tuck her in the night before because of a meeting. She wrapped her arms around me as I sat eating my breakfast, quickly whispering in my ear, “I love you” before asking for a toasted bagel with cream cheese.

There are the lovely notes from my older daughter on my Facebook page: “I love you,” “I miss you.”

There is the thoughtful things my husband did last week – like taking my son’s cadet tunic to the seamstress so his badges could be sewn on, hoping to lighten my load (he can’t sew), or telling me to stay home from hockey, knowing I’m tired but feeling guilty about not going – reassuring me that it’s more than OK to rest.

I am thankful for the sweet hug I get from my son each morning after I’ve crawled in bed to wake him, rubbing his back, talking softly about the day ahead so he has a good start to his day even if we’ve argued about homework or chores the night before.

I give thanks for good friends who give me hugs when they know it’s been a crazy week, or continue to drop off homemade beets, or bread, or strawberries, even though I keep reminding them they don’t have to do this.

This week, a beautiful homemade scarf and lovely book made their way to my home, and I felt overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness.

That saying about reaping what you sow sometimes gets lost in the bustle that is our everyday lives. I reap so much more than I sow and need to be reminded of that, especially on those crazy, pull-your-hair-out kind of weeks.

Theresa Blackburn is a wife, mother and New Brunswick Community College instructor who lives and writes in Woodstock. You can email her at theresa@mybigfatlife.ca, or join her group, Big Fat Life, on Facebook.  You can also follow her on Twitter @MY_BIG_FAT_LIFE

My Big Fat Life: A ‘flawed’ wellness ambassador isn’t such a bad thing

Published in the Fredericton Daily Gleaner, Monday, September 5, 2011

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I’ve been asked by the Western Valley Wellness Network to take part in a new
initiative. As part a new provincial wellness campaign through the Department of
Wellness, Culture and Sport, I’ve been asked to be the wellness ambassador for
this region of the province.

I was shocked when they called.

I wanted to ask them if they knew how many times I’ve tried to get healthy
and failed? I wanted to ask them if they knew how much I weighed? I wanted to
ask them if they knew I ate chips after supper last night?

Really, I wanted to ask them if they couldn’t find someone more successful in
taking care of their own wellness?

But then my husband quickly reminded me that my journey is not so much about
what I’ve accomplished, but more about the fact that I haven’t given up.

And that may be the reason I was asked.

If you read my column, you know I struggle. I struggle with weight, with
stress, with trying to be a good example for my children. I struggle with taking
care of my physical health and my mental health and sometimes I get
discouraged.

But you also know I try and try and try. I try to get back on track after
each setback, and I’ve been successful in continuing the journey. I can’t stop
trying to be better at taking care of my health because giving up could mean an
early death. I love my children and husband too much to put them through
that.

So I struggle … every week, every day, sometimes hourly. I struggle with my
weight, with exercise, with wellness.

And writing about that struggle has created a community of people who connect
because they also struggle.

Many of us look at others who are successful at exercising daily; we watch
them eat the right foods consistently, and get enough rest to boot and think,
“Wow … I wish I could do that.”

But we sometimes fail to understand that as human beings we’re all different,
we’re all brought up differently and we all react to life and our circumstances
differently.

We can’t all be perfect in taking care of our own personal wellness, but we
can all try and keep trying.

And that’s what I’m trying to do.

Even though enrolling our daughter in hockey again this fall will throw our
family time into a crazy tailspin of rushing around to make practices in the
early evenings when I should be making supper, I embrace the chaos.

Why? Because of what this activity means to my daughter and also what it does
for my own health.

Having to spend a great deal of time at the Carleton Civic Centre on weekdays
means I will spend more time walking. I use the walking track regularly during
Kathryn’s practices. I feel good about going to the rink because we BOTH get
something very valuable out of it.

This fall I’m adding to my walking regime.

I’ve decided that to better care for not only my physical health but my
mental health, I need to take a lunch break every day – no matter what. For the
last few years, most of my lunch hours have been spent at the college – at my
desk – wolfing down food – and working.

This, I have discovered, does not get me anymore ahead of the game. In fact,
not taking a break is harmful. It doesn’t do anything for my students or for me.
I need to physically get out of the building – to get sunshine, to get fresh air
and to take a mental break so I can return to afternoon classes refreshed and
ready to go.

This year, starting Sept. 12, I’m going to be walking on my lunch hour and
would love if you could join me.

If you’re in the Woodstock area, you can meet me at the Connell Park Raceway.
We’ll be parking in the Y’s Men Club near the new fenced-in soccer pitch across
from Woodstock High School. We’ll be walking through the stable area to the
raceway just off Connell Park Drive.

We’re going to start walking at 12:20 p.m. for 30 minutes … rain or shine,
good weather and bad, every day of the week. Sometimes we have to be reminded
we’re not made of sugar and we won’t melt. I have this on good authority that we
will survive walking in a bit of weather. Remember, this is exactly what we had
to do when we were growing up – we walked to school, rain or shine, no matter
what the weather.

I’m taking a page from my friend Susan Pedler of CBC-TV in Windsor, Ontario.
If you watch The National, you’ll know that Susan set out, as part of the CBC’s
Live Right Now campaign, to walk every weekday for six months. She asked viewers
to join her. You can watch her journey online – just Google ‘Live Right Now
Susan Pedler.’

I’m sure you can guess what happened. Susan slept better, felt better, made
friends, changed lives and lost weight. It transformed her life. She was excited
when I called her and encouraged me to go through with this when I told her
about the idea. She was also very humble when I told her how much she inspired
me.

I’ve committed myself to walking every lunch hour from Sept. 12 through to
Dec. 16 – four months – and see where it takes me.

I may officially be your wellness ambassador, but I’m still on my own
journey. I think I’d prefer the title, “wellness cheerleader and friend.”

Either title, I just hope some of you become motivated enough to join me next
Monday at the raceway. And if your lunch hour doesn’t jive with the times, or
you live in another community, I challenge you to start a walking group where
you are and let me know how you make out.

Theresa Blackburn is a wife, mother and New Brunswick Community College
instructor who lives and writes in Woodstock. You can email her at
theresa@mybigfatlife.ca, or join her group, Big Fat Life, on Facebook.